I’m coming-to on a hotel bed, not knowing how I got here. Just as I open my eyes and look about the room, someone knocks at the door. Dizzy, I stagger over to the door and open it to see two young women I don’t recognize. Both are in dresses, holding cocktails. Before I can speak, they start to mock me, calling me a “whore.” I’m confused and try to respond, but forming a coherent sentence is impossible. My breathing is labored, and my heart feels like it’s beating too slow to pump blood. They laugh at my pathetic effort to speak, lay on more insults, and walk off down the hallway.
I shut the door and turn my gaze towards the massive floor-to-ceiling window overlooking the city street. The sun is going down, and I rack my brain… What happened? The last thing I remember is drinking and talking to a man at the hotel’s bar. Had I been drugged and raped? I must have been.
I stagger over to the window and rest my forehead against it as cars blur past. Everything is muted and in slow motion, and I may black out. But suddenly, a memory is gently placed into my head – clear and bright as the sun going down upon the horizon. I see myself as a child walking down the hallway of my family home. I stop by the double doors of my parent’s room and peek in. My mother is kneeling by her bedside, praying, as she always did before bed.
Out of everyone in the household, she was the only one who prayed. She was the only example I had of a godly person during my life, and she passed 6 years ago. I recalled her telling me that she always prayed for me, my brother, and my father. I began to sob against the window. God is in the hotel room with me at this moment. I feel the mercy. The grace. The overwhelming love.
God knew I needed Him now, and He’s reaching out to me. I’ve been wandering for years, but in this instant, He wants me to know that I can come back to Him. The tears continue to flow as I find my clothes and put them on. This beautiful memory saved me from laying back down and possibly not waking up. I need to get help.
Thank you for reading, friends. I decided to put my testimony in present tense, it just felt right. I will be writing more about my struggles with alcoholism, which played a part in my being a victim of rape. There’s much to tell, and I pray that it will help inspire others to seek the help that they need. If you or anyone you know was a victim of rape, you’re not alone. There’s help available and God is always on your side to love and comfort you. Much love to you all.
Cleveland Rape Crisis Center Website: