Beyond Betrayal by Bianca Tyus

From the moment we are born, it seems, society starts peddling the “Fairytale” to us. You know the one, the white knight coming in to rescue us, falling madly in love, and living happily ever after. Many of us bought into it at some point and I was no different. In 2004, I met the man that I thought I would marry and spend the rest of my life with. We went on dates, hung out with friends, and got to know each other’s families. All the things you do when you are moving towards marriage and building a life together. It was something we talked about after being together for a year, and while I was ready to take the next step, he said that he wanted to wait, so that’s what we did.

In the meantime, we ended up getting an apartment and moving in together. I began to see that there were a few things that brought me concern, such as his late nights out, but I believed that these were things that we’d be able to work through. We also had a discussion about having children, and he said that he was okay with not having more because he already had children but was willing to try later on down the road because he knew that I wanted to not only experience motherhood but pregnancy as well.

After living together for seven months, he told me that he’d met someone else, but that he didn’t want to be with her. It was just something that happened. I was upset and asked him to leave but the biggest betrayal came a few days later when he told me that she was pregnant. I was devastated. More than anything I wanted to be married and have children and it felt as if everything that I’d wanted and was so close to was once again far away. There was a part of me that knew that something was off, but I had ignored the signs because of my desire for the dream, making the sting of everything that much more painful.

I felt shame, guilt, and struggled with issues of self-worth after we split along with having to deal with being replaced by the woman he’d gotten pregnant in our circle of friends. It took me years to get over the betrayal because I’d sought revenge instead of seeking help to deal with the hurt and feelings of infidelity. As a result, I ended up in an even worse situation because I took matters into my own hands instead of trusting God in this situation and it cost me everything. I eventually went through counseling and got healing, but I wish that I would have had a group like Beyond Betrayal that I could have gone to right after the breakup happened.

You may be wondering “what is Beyond Betrayal?” Well, Beyond Betrayal is a group for women ran by women that offers support and a safe space to process the feelings of hurt after experiencing betrayal by a partner. Maybe you’re struggling through the infidelity of your partner, or the pain of living with a husband who has a porn addiction. No matter what the betrayal may be, our Beyond Betrayal group is here for you. If you would like more information, please email beyondbetrayal@gracecma.org or visit the support group held at Grace Middleburg Heights location on Wednesdays at 7pm in Room 201.